I’ve spent more than 30 years working in sales, meeting clients, building business relationships, and training people. And if there’s one thing those years have taught me, it’s that having a good story to tell doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to convince someone.
I’ve seen it happen countless times.
Colleagues sitting across from clients, presenting exactly the same products, services, and arguments, yet leaving completely different impressions. Some seemed to establish trust almost naturally, while others struggled to make a connection, even though they knew their subject just as well.
Sometimes the difference was obvious. An uncertain posture, very little eye contact, or a facial expression that didn’t quite match the enthusiasm of the words being spoken. Other times, it was much harder to explain.
And it wasn’t always the person doing the selling who influenced the conversation. I’ve experienced the other side too. Clients whose body language made me feel uncomfortable or uncertain, sometimes before we’d even properly started talking.
It took me years to really put my finger on what was happening.
Looking back, I realize just how much of it had to do with body language. Not simply the gestures we make or the way we sit, but the entire dynamic between two people.
Because communication isn’t just about what you say. It’s also about how you come across, how you respond to someone else, and what happens between you while you’re talking.
And that’s what makes body language so fascinating to me.
The conversation starts before the conversation
Think about meeting someone for the first time.
Before you’ve exchanged more than a few words, you’ve already noticed quite a lot. The way someone enters the room, approaches you, makes eye contact, offers a handshake, or takes a seat.
We rarely stop to think about these things, but they contribute to the impression we form.
I’ve seen business owners walk into sales meetings who seemed almost uninterested in the person they were there to meet. They barely looked at their conversation partner, offered a rather absent-minded greeting, and sat down as though the meeting were simply another appointment to get through.
Now, I don’t believe for a moment that all these people were genuinely uninterested. Some may have been nervous, distracted, or simply unaware of how they were coming across.
But that’s exactly the point.
What you intend to communicate isn’t necessarily what someone else experiences.
You may be perfectly interested in your client, genuinely enthusiastic about your work, and completely committed to delivering a good service. But if your body language suggests otherwise, the other person may never fully recognize those qualities.
And that can be a missed opportunity, particularly when you’re trying to establish a new business relationship.
After all, people don’t just evaluate what you have to offer. They also form an impression of what it might be like to work with you.
The same words, a different impression
During my years in sales, I worked with colleagues who essentially told the same story.
We had the same products, the same information, and often the same arguments for why a client should choose us. Yet the conversations could unfold very differently.
Some colleagues appeared confident and comfortable, even when discussing something complicated. They seemed genuinely engaged with the person sitting across from them.
Others were less at ease. Their posture was hesitant, their eye contact limited, and their movements sometimes seemed to betray the uncertainty they were trying not to show.
And yes, the way they spoke played a role too. Tone of voice, pace, and the way someone expresses themselves can have an enormous influence on a conversation. But that’s a subject in its own right.
What interested me was how much someone’s physical presence could affect the credibility of an otherwise perfectly good message. Because when your words and your body language seem to tell different stories, people notice.
Imagine someone telling you how confident they are in a particular solution while appearing visibly uncomfortable explaining it.
Would you feel reassured?
Perhaps you’d still be convinced by the facts. But there’s a good chance you’d also pick up on that uncertainty.
This is what we call congruence: when what you say and what you express nonverbally support each other.
And I think it’s one of the most valuable things to understand about body language.
Not because everyone should learn to behave in a particular way, but because being aware of the signals you send can help your knowledge, enthusiasm, and intentions come across more clearly.
But what about the person sitting across from you?
This is the part of body language that I find particularly interesting, and one that I learned a great deal about through experience. Because while we’re busy thinking about the impression we’re making, the other person is influencing us too.
I remember really well how uncomfortable certain client meetings could feel when I was less experienced.
I’d be explaining something, trying to establish a connection, and the person across from me would sit back, fold their arms, barely respond, or look at me with an expression that was impossible to read. And suddenly I’d start wondering.
Are they interested? Am I boring them? Have I said something wrong? Do they disagree with everything I’m saying?
And before you know it, you’re no longer fully concentrating on the conversation. You’re concentrating on what you think the other person is thinking. And that can really throw you off balance.
The interesting thing is that you may have interpreted the situation completely incorrectly.
Someone who sits with folded arms isn’t necessarily defensive. A person who doesn’t smile much isn’t automatically unfriendly. And someone who maintains a serious expression may simply be concentrating on what you’re saying.
Body language gives us information, but it doesn’t give us the complete story.
It took me quite some time to understand that distinction.
Over the years, I became better at recognizing how someone’s behavior affected me, without immediately assuming that my interpretation was correct.
And that made a difference.
Instead of allowing a client’s posture or facial expression to make me uncertain, I learned to remain more comfortable in the conversation, pay attention to the person as a whole, and not jump to conclusions.
I certainly wouldn’t claim that I became an expert at reading people’s minds. Quite the opposite, actually.
I learned that you can’t.
Reading body language isn’t the same as understanding someone
There’s an enormous amount of information available about body language.
Crossed arms mean someone is closed off. Avoiding eye contact means someone is insecure. Leaning forward means someone is interested.
If only people were that easy to understand.
The trouble with these interpretations is that they overlook something essential: context.
The same gesture can mean different things depending on the person, the situation, and even the moment. Someone may cross their arms because they’re uncomfortable, but they may also be cold or simply sitting in a position they find pleasant.
Eye contact is another interesting example.
We often associate direct eye contact with confidence and sincerity. Yet people differ enormously in how comfortable they feel with it. Personality, culture, and individual differences all play a role.
And prolonged eye contact isn’t necessarily pleasant either. Depending on the situation, it can feel rather intimidating. That’s why I think we should be careful about attaching fixed meanings to individual gestures.
Of course, observing someone’s body language can be useful. It may help you notice that the atmosphere of a conversation is changing, that someone appears uncomfortable, or that your message isn’t being received quite as you expected.
But noticing something is different from knowing what it means. Sometimes the best way to understand what’s going on is simply to ask a question. And sometimes it’s better not to interpret everything at all.
It’s a two-way street
What I’ve come to appreciate over the years is that body language isn’t something one person does while the other person observes. We’re constantly responding to each other.
And that’s why understanding body language is about much more than learning how to make a confident impression. It’s about recognizing the interaction itself.
Trust, connection, and that all-important personal click
Anyone who has worked in sales or client relationships will probably recognize this: people don’t always choose the person with the best presentation or even the most impressive credentials.
Sometimes they choose the person they feel most comfortable with. Someone they trust, who seems genuinely interested, and with whom they can imagine having a pleasant and productive working relationship.
In Dutch, we have a wonderful word for this: gunfactor.
It’s difficult to translate precisely, but it describes that willingness to give someone an opportunity, to choose them, or to do business with them because you feel a positive connection.
And I believe body language can play an important role in creating that connection. Not by using clever techniques to make people like you, but by showing genuine interest, being attentive, and making the other person feel comfortable and respected.
The packaging of your message
Looking back at my years in sales and client relationships, I realize that body language has always been part of what interested me about working with people. It just took me a long time to understand exactly why.
I’ve seen how an uncertain posture could undermine an otherwise convincing story. How a seemingly uninterested greeting could create distance before a conversation had even begun. And how the body language of someone sitting across from me could affect my own confidence.
I’ve also experienced how much easier conversations became when I learned to recognize these dynamics and respond to them more consciously.
That’s something I now bring into my work with organizations.
Because professional presence isn’t simply about looking the part. It’s also about how you enter a room, how you interact with others, and whether your behavior supports the qualities and expertise you want people to recognize.
I sometimes think of body language as the packaging of your message.
The content is still essential, of course. Beautiful packaging won’t make a poor product any better. But when the packaging doesn’t reflect what’s inside, people may never fully appreciate the value of what you have to offer.
And that’s a shame.
You’re reading someone else’s body language while they’re reading yours.
And somewhere in that exchange, trust, credibility, and connection either begin to develop or struggle to find their way.
That’s why I believe body language deserves far more attention than we often give it. Not as a collection of tricks to influence people, but as an essential part of how we communicate, build relationships, and make our professional qualities visible.